The Adventures of Joey Wheeler
by Dark Lord Zorc
Summary: Yami Yugi has been kidnapped, and it's up to Joey to save him! This can only end well.
1. Prologue

The Adventures of Joey Wheeler

Prologue

Yami woke up, feeling a little bit more uncomfortable than usual, and as anyone who has felt Yugi's bed can tell you, that's saying something. "Uggh… Where… Where am I?" Yami looked around, but all he could see darkness. "Hey!" he exclaimed, "This isn't Yugi's house! It's too dark and doesn't smell nearly as bad!"

Just then two figures appeared out of nowhere. Yami immediately recognized them as Marik and Yami Bakura.

"Hello Pharaoh!" said Marik.

"Marik! Bakura! Where am I?"

"While you slept, we went into your room and brought you here to the shadow realm." answered Yami Bakura.

"Yes," said Marik, "and now all your powers are belong to us! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

"How did you get into my room?" asked Yami.

"The nice old man let us in" responded Marik.

Yami assessed the situation for a moment. "So, now that you've captured me, what exactly are you going to do? Are you going to whip me?"

"Nope." said Marik.

"Really? Cause, you know, I wouldn't be against it or anything."

"I'm not going to whip you."

"I'll whip you." said Yami Bakura. "I'll give you a nice, long whipping."

"Mmm. Just don't forget the whipped cream."

"I don't get it, what are you guys talking about?" asked Marik confused.

There was a moment of silence.

"Marik, I think it would be best if you were to leave the room." said Yami Bakura.

"What? Why?"

"Hey," said Yami, coming to a realization, "where's Yugi anyway?"

"He's right over there." said Yami Bakura, pointing to a corner of the shadow realm. Sure enough, there was Yugi eating chocolate flavored ice cream. "'Sup Pharaoh?" he said.

"Hey," said Yami, "how come HE gets ice cream?"

"oh, don't worry," responded Yami Bakura, "you'll be getting your 'ice cream' soon enough."

"Will there be 'sprinkles' on top?"

"Hey!" objected a rather oblivious Marik, "I thought we agreed we wouldn't get him any ice cream!"

There was a moment of silence.

Yami Bakura face palmed. "Marik just… Just shut up."

End of Prologue

Joey will be in the next chapter, I PROMISE!


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins.

Meanwhile, back at the game shop, Grandpa was cleaning up as he did every day with sweeping the floors and putting merchandise back on the shelf. Just then, Joey Wheeler, Tristan Taylor, and Tea Gardner walked in. "Hello everyone!" said Grandpa delighted.

"Hey Gramps," said Joey, "is Yugi here?"

"Who?"

"Your grandson." said Tea.

"Ah, him! Last night two very lovely young ladies, one with long white hair and another wearing a purple midriff-bearing shirt, came by asking for him and I haven't seen him since."

"Same old, same old." said Joey.

"Wait!" exclaimed a rather distressed Tea, "Does this mean that Yugi is cheating on me?"

"That, or he was abducted by aliens!" said Tristan.

Tea, not even hearing Tristan, pulled out a giant claymore sword which she had somehow been hiding in her mini-skirt, and pointed it towards the heavens. "I must go and avenge my honor!" she declared proudly, then grabbed Grandpa by his overalls, jumped out the window, and, with sword in one hand and Grandpa in the other, ran down the street with a Tarzan-like yell.

Tristan shook his head. "Another poor soul claimed by the aliens."

"Tristan, I don't think that's what happened."

"That's what the aliens want you to think!"

"Anyway," said Joey changing the subject, "since Yugi and Tea are gone, what do you want to do today?"

"Well…"

Just then, a ghastly fog rolled into the game store and it grew extremely cold. Within the fog there was a fabulous ghost by the name of Pegasus. "Hello, Joey-boy." he said.

"Hey, did you hear something?" asked Joey.

"Only the sound of an alien mothership!" answered Tristan.

"It's me, Pegasus!"

"I could've sworn I heard something…"

"It's me! And don't you dare say it's probably just the wind!"

"Eh, it's probably just the wind." concluded Joey.

"God damn it!" yelled Pegasus.

"Wind from an alien mothership!"

"Tristan, shut up with the alien crap!"

Pegasus was now understandably annoyed at this point, so he decided to use his powers as a ghost to possess Tristan's body. So he did. "Hello once again, Joey-boy!" said Pega-Tristan. (That's what we're going to call him for the sake of convenience.)

"That voice!" said a shocked Joey, "It can't be… Kermet the Frog!"

"What?" said Pega-Tristan, rather confused by the notion. "No! It's me, Pegasus! I've possessed Tristan's body with my ghostly powers! It's rather like I'm violating him."

"You're a ghost? I thought you were still alive!"

"So did I." said Pega-Tristan.

"Well," said Joey after the initial shock, "what do you want?"

"Well, I was on my way to see Yugi-boy, but when I got here, he was gone and there was a note on the welcome mat."

Pega-Tristan handed Joey the note, and Joey read it aloud: "'Dear foolish fools, we have kidnapped the one named Yugi Motou and taken his powers to use for our own evil purposes. Don't try to figure out who we are. Don't try to find us. Love, Marik Ishtar and Yami Bakura. P.S. We're in the Shadow Realm. Mwh ha ha ha ha!" Joey put the note down. "Oh man." he said to himself.

"Now do you see?"

"This can only mean one thing," said Joey, "Lex Luthor and Megatron have teamed up and are trying to kill Bruce Willis!"

"What? No! Marik and Yami Bakura kidnapped Yugi!"

"Meh. My theory's much cooler. But I guess we should go save Yugi. First things first, though. We've got to assemble a team of five."

"Why?" asked Pega-Tristan.

"Because, every team of heroes needs a leader, a second-in-command, a fighter, a genius, and some eye-candy. You and me cover the first two, so we need three more people!" explained Joey.

"Well," said Pega-Tristan, "I don't know about the other two, but I know where we can find some eye-candy. Yes, some perfectly delicious eye-candy." Pega-Tristan began licking his lips in a rather suggestive manner.

"All right then!" said Joey, "Lead the way Pegasus!" And with that Joey and Pega-Tristan left the game store to search for members of their team.

And so, the adventure begins.

To be continued.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: FAN SERVICE TIME!

Meanwhile, back in the shadow realm, Marik and Yami Bakura were watching Joey and Pega-Tristan beginning their journey. "The fools," said Marik, "thinking they can stop us. Little do they realize the extent of the power I now hold!"

"And what exactly IS the extent of your power, if you don't mind me asking." said Yami Bakura.

"Well… It's… Uhhh… You see… Shut up!"

"Ohhh, what a terrifying power!" remarked Yami Bakura sarcastically.

"Oh hush! Who cares about the extent of my powers as long as I have powers to spare. Like making jerks appear inside people!"

"You… have that power?"

"I think so. Yes huge jerks. Seto Kaiba level jerks. Jerks so jerky they may even be called dicks! Yes, I shall put dicks inside all of them, and you Joey Wheeler will get the biggest dick of them all!"

Yami Bakura burst out laughing.

"What on earth is so funny?" asked Marik.

"Oh nothing!" responded Yami Bakura, still laughing his ass off.

Back in Domino City, Joey and Pegasus reached their first stop, the work place of Chuck, Pegasus's hair stylist. "You wait here," instructed Pega-Tristan, "I'll go get Chuck." As soon as he said that, Pegasus left Tristan's body and flew off to find his hair stylist.

"…I was thinking about riding a motorc- Wait, where am I?" said Tristan.

"We're at Pegasus's ha-," Joey stopped himself, thought about it for a minute, and then said, "We're inside a UFO."

"I **bleep**ING KNEW IT!"

"So if you don't want the big, bad aliens to probe you, I suggest…"

"Hey look it's Duke!" yelled Tristan before Joey could finish his sentence. "Hey Duke! You got abducted by the aliens too?"

Joey noticed who Tristan was yelling at. "Tristan… I don't think that's Duke…"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, for starters, Duke doesn't have blonde hair… Or boobs…"

"He obviously used his witch magic to disguise himself to escape the aliens!" said Tristan. Joey face palmed.

"Still, she DOES look awfully familiar," remarked Joey, "she must be…"

"Good morning!" said the blonde hair one with boobs.

"Hello, Mai Valentine!" yelled Joey.

"Umm… no." said the buxom one.

"Nyeh?" said Joey confused, "But then… who the heck are you?"

"It is I, the Dark Magician Girl!" she said.

"Oh my gosh!" yelled Tristan, "Duke used so much of his magic that he turned himself into the Dark Magician Girl!" There was a brief moment of silence, then Joey hit Tristan upside the head.

Joey then assessed the situation. "Wait a minute," he said, "You're a duel monsters card! How the heck are you even here anyway?"

"Didn't you watch GX?" asked Dark Magician Girl.

"Not really. But did ANYONE watch GX?" Both Joey and Dark Magician Girl then glanced at the fanfic writer for a moment.

DMG sighed. "It's too complicated to explain right now," she said, "all you need to know is that I came here to help you guys save Yugi!"

"How did you know about that?"

"Pegasus posted it on his twitter." Dark Magician Girl pulled out her phone and showed Joey a tweet posted by Pegasus saying: "Just caught Reshiram! Yay! Now off to help Joey save Yugi! Stay fabulous!"

Joey looked at the tweet confused. "When did he-? Nevermind." Joey then looked up at the Dark Magician Girl. "Well, I guess you could be rather helpful. Welcome aboard!"

"Wait a second!" said Tristan, "I don't think that's Duke… Back off alien queen! My voice is a karate expert!"

"What's wrong with him?" asked Dark Magician Girl.

"What ISN'T wrong with him?" said Joey.

Just then, Pegasus returned with Chuck, a guy even more sexy than the "man your man could smell like" guy. "Everyone, meet Chuck." he said.

"Hey!" said Chuck.

"He'll be the perfect eye-candy for our team!" said Pegasus.

"Sorry," said Joey, "but we just gave that slot to Dark Magician Girl over here."

"Oh, I see," said Pegasus, "well, sorry Chuck."

"It's okay." said Chuck. Then Chuck flew away Superman-style.

"Man that guy had a fine ass!" said Dark Magician Girl.

"He would've been the best eye-candy ever" said Pegasus as he was going back into Tristan's body. "Now what?" asked Pega-Tristan.

"Well," said Joey, "we still need to get two more people, and I think I know where we can find the next one. Pegasus, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I believe so young Joseph, but I don't know of any gay bars open at this hour."

"I don't think that's it…" said Dark Magician Girl.

Joey then assumed a triumphant pose. "We're going… To Kaiba Corp!"

To be continued.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Hair That Will Pierce Through the Heavens!

In the middle of Domino City stood Kaiba Corp. headquarters, the location at which Joey, Pega-Tristan, and Dark Magician Girl had just arrived. "Now then," said Dark Magician Girl, "we should probably try talking to Kaiba calmly, as to not…"

"HEY! Kaiba!" yelled Joey, "Come down here you dragon obsessed jerk! You still haven't returned any of my calls!"

"…piss him off…" said Dark Magician Girl.

Pega-Tristan sighed. "Well, looks like we wont get to travel with Kaiba-boy after all. Such a shame. It would have been nice to have around his big, long, thick…"

Just then, they noticed a tiny figure jumping a 23rd floor window, that then landed perfectly on its feet. It was none other than Mokuba, Kaiba's easily kidnappable little brother. "The great, powerful, and awesome dictator Seto is too busy to deal with you guys right now!"

"Dictator?" said Joey, "I thought he was the OCD."

"CEO." corrected Dark Magician Girl.

"Whatever!"

Mokuba continued, "Seto has, as of yesterday, declared himself the new dictator of Domino City. All must bow down to his mighty card game skills!"

"So," said Pega-Tristan, "can we expect the city to be taken over by some random filler villain three times a week."

"Yeah." said Joey.

"What do you guys want anyway?" asked Mokuba.

"We are assembling a team to go save Yugi," explained Joey, "and we need a smart guy for our team, so we figured we could ask Kaiba."

"Please," said Mokuba, "Seto wouldn't bother with stupid stuff like that."

"In that case, could you come along with us?" asked Dark Magician Girl.

"Okay! Let me just my stuff!" Mokuba ran back inside to do just that.

"Well, that worked out rather nicely!" said Pega-Tristan. Just then, they a sound coming from underground. It grew louder and louder until finally the maker of the sound, Kemo (AKA the Hair Guy), broke through the surface.

"ACK!" exclaimed Joey.

"ACK!" exclaimed Dark Magician Girl.

"ACK!" exclaimed Pega-Tristan, which he followed with a very suggestive "Mmm."

"Attention duelists!" Kemo declared, "My hair has arrived to this city!"

"Hair guy? What are you doing here?" asked Joey.

"And what the heck were you doing underground?" added Dark Magician Girl.

"My hair heard from Chuck that you guys were looking for team members!"

"That's Chuck for you!" said Pega-Tristan.

"That still doesn't explain why you were underground."

"My hair is very good for drilling! Also, my hair is very lonely. It needs a hug."

At this time, Mokuba returned with a briefcase in tow (though not as epic a briefcase as Seto's). "I'm back!" he yelled.

"Excellent!" exclaimed Joey, "Now our team is ready!"

"Ummm… Joey-boy," said Pega-Tristan, "I just thought of something. We don't know where the shadow realm is!"

"Au contraire!" said Joey, "There's only one place there COULD be a shadow realm. We're going… to Ontario, Canada!" Joey looked up towards the sky. "We're coming to save you, Yuge."

To Be Continued

(Next time: More Marik Ishitar!)


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Marik Plots

Meanwhile, back in the shadow realm, Marik had still been keeping a close eye on Joey's progress. "Curses!" he exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

Bakura, overhearing Marik, did not rush but rather walked briskly into the room. Bakura was only in a tower. A very small towel. And he was wet. Use your imagination fangirls. "What is it now?" he asked.

"It's that fool, Joey! He's assembled a five-man team!"

"And that's bad because…?"

"Because everyone knows that a team of five heroes is always bad news for the villain. It's one of the most basic rules of fiction. I think it's… rule 34, or something like that."

"So, should I get some people beat the bloody crap out of them?"

"Yes," said Marik with a devious smile, "Bakura, bring me teenagers with attitude!"

"Why teenagers?"

"They're easier to brainwash."

Just then Yugi Motou walked into the room eating a slice of pizza he stole from CC. "Hey guys," he said, "the-" He stopped as soon as he noticed Bakura. "Bakura, why are you in a towel?"

"I just got out of the shower."

"Oh!" said Yugi, "Anyway, I just came to tell you guys that the toaster is acting up again."

"Again?" said Marik, "That's the third **EFF**ing time this week!"

"Yeah, your toaster is rather like Kaiba Corp." mused Yami Bakura.

"Indeed!" exclaimed Marik.

"Oh!" said Yugi, just remembering something, "The Pharaoh said he needs to see Bakura."

"Sorry Marik," said Yami Bakura, "but I've got to care of this." And with that Yami Bakura left the room.

"Arrrgh!" yelled Marik. He then remembered that Yugi was there in the room, and remembered how helpful he had recently been. So Marik thought for a moment, then he got an idea. He got an awful idea. Marik got a wonderfully awful idea! "Hey Yugi," he said trying not to sound like a pedophile (which he was failing miserably at), "do you think you could get some villains kill all your friends for me?"

"What's in it for me?" inquired Yugi.

"World domination, money, and six hookers!"

"Make it twelve and you've got yourself a deal!"

"Fine." And so the two struck their deal.

"By the way," said Yugi, "by making this deal, how many enemies would you say I made tonight?"

"Excluding the fangirls, forty-eight."

"I am content!" said Yugi, and with that he left the room.

Marik began to laugh evilly (and according to spell check, evilly is actually a word. Wouldn't have guessed that.). "Mwahahaha! Yes! My evil plan is working perfectly! Soon-" Marik was cut off by Yami Bakura and Yami Yugi's loud, suggestive moaning in the background. "What the **EFF** is that noise?" he yelled.

Yami Bakura struggled to find a good excuse. "It's… Ummm… Uhhhhhh…"

"It's the T.V." said Yami Yugi.

"Yeah! That's it! The T.V.…"


End file.
